Why I Write A “Love Letter” Every Year (and you should, too)

None of us want to die.

All of us will.

In preparation for that inevitability, I write an annual “Love Letter” to my wife.

In the event of my passing, my wife will know exactly what needs to be done.

I’ve never written in detail about my love letter on this blog.

That ends today.

This post addresses a difficult topic.  What will your spouse do if you die?  In our case, we’ve made a plan.  In addition to the appropriate estate documents, my wife and I agreed that I should write an annual love letter. It’s a more personal approach and provides practical steps for her to follow in the event of my death.  This post shares details of my annual love letter, including: 

• Why you should write one.
• What it should contain.
• Short- and long-term steps to be taken. 
• Free templates for you to use.

If I die unexpectedly, my wife will know exactly what to do thanks to my annual Love Letter. Today, I provide the details so you can write your own. Share on X

While we have the appropriate estate plans, my wife and I are more comfortable knowing she has a personal (and updated) “Love Letter” on hand to help her navigate a difficult transition in the event of my passing.  I’ve always managed our longer-term investments, while she manages the monthly bill paying.  It’s a system that works for us, but we know there would be problems should I pass unexpectedly. 

The love letter is our insurance policy.

The White Coat Investor provides a good overview of how a Love Letter fits into your overall estate planning in this article.  For today’s post, I’m focusing on the Love Letter (described as a Letter of Intent in the WCI article). If you’d like a perspective on the role the letter plays within a broader estate plan, the WCI article is worth reading.

The Love Letter is updated every January as soon as I complete our Annual Financial Update and provides everything my wife will need to begin managing the estate. In addition to listing all of our assets, passwords, and contacts, the letter provides a detailed step-by-step plan for her to follow.  It’s written in plain English and provides a roadmap for her to make it easier to deal with the estate while she’s grieving.  

It gives us both a peace of mind.

Why am I writing this post now?  I’ve mentioned my annual letter several times on this blog, but I’ve never dedicated a post to the topic.  The love letter came up again in the following comment on my recent article On Your Own and motivated me to write this post:

Alan, your wish is my comment.  Mark, I hope this post motivates you to write one to your wife.

The Love Letter Begins…

That screenshot is the header on my actual love letter.  The first paragraph is personal, with the words I’d want my wife to read in the event of my death (yes, it’s the most difficult paragraph to write in the entire letter).  She’s never read that first paragraph, and I hope she never has to.  We hope that we both die together, but we realize that’s unlikely.

The second paragraph outlines the love letter’s purpose and describes its contents.  In the third paragraph, I provide concrete steps for her to take, including (but not limited to) the following:

• Calling our attorney (with name and number),
• Ask her brother to help her with the process,
• Call our life insurance company, 
• Contact the financial planner I’m suggesting she use in the event of my death. 
• Secure important paperwork (with location and a reminder of the combination to our safe).

As mentioned, I’ve always handled our investments.  Based on our discussions, I know she’s uncomfortable managing our investments in the event of my passing.  To ease that concern, I suggest a financial planner to avoid her having to make that decision.  I know a lot of folks in the industry, and I know who I’d trust to handle our investments for my wife.  The planner I’ve chosen is aware of the Love Letter and has agreed to be there for my wife should the need arise.

Side Note: If I’m still around in my mid-late 70s, I’ll migrate our finances over to the financial planner at that time to avoid the risk of cognitive decline and save my wife the hassle.  For now, she knows who to contact, and she knows she can trust them.  That gives both of us peace of mind. 

Page 2 – “Financial Accounts – What Do I Do Now?”

The second page of the love letter defines additional actions my wife will have to take.  After providing direction on short-term cash needs (and identifying which accounts we hold jointly and she’ll still be able to access after my death), I provide some longer-term suggestions on how to proceed (e.g., share our Net Worth statement with the financial planner, and begin the process of settling the estate and moving all of the accounts into your name).

I’ve provided some thoughts on the funeral home and burial plot, but these don’t matter much to me since I won’t be around.  My main reason for including them is to take the burden off my wife and make the decision easier for her during an emotional time.

I’ve also included the most critical usernames and passwords on page 2, so she’ll be able to access things quickly without digging through the detailed attachments to the letter.  These include:

• My LastPass account information
• How to unlock my phone
• How to access my computer

I’ve described where all the online documents and the key file locations are stored.  There is a section on “Who To Notify” which includes family members, the company that manages my pension, Social Security, our life insurance company, and all of the financial institutions we deal with.  I’ve suggested she take the Love Letter with her during her meeting with our attorney and follow his advice on how best to contact the necessary parties.  

I’ve even taken steps to ensure that each of you is notified in the event of my death.  I’ve asked my wife to reach out to a blogger friend I trust and ask them to write a blog post on my site announcing my passing.  I’ve also included the login details the blogger will need to log into my site.  The blog will fade away in time, but I take comfort in knowing I’ve made arrangements to let you know if something happens to me.  For the record, I’ve also given my permission to sell the blog if there’s interest, with all proceeds going to my wife’s charity, Freedom For Fido.  I hope the words I’ve written over the years maintain a presence on the internet after I’m gone, and selling this site could accomplish that goal.

At the close of the letter, I include this link to “What To Do When Someone Dies – A Checklist”, a great list of items that could be overlooked.  It also includes a list of things NOT to do when someone dies, such as making any big decisions that you are not required to make.  I encourage you to review the article if you choose to write a Love Letter for your spouse.

Attachment 1 – Net Worth Statement

The attachments include all of the details of our investment holdings and contact information.  The first attachment is the Net Worth Statement, which lists all our assets and liabilities.  The assets are organized by tax status (After-Tax, Pre-Tax IRA, Roth, HSA, etc), offering a holistic view of our holdings.

I’ve created a Free Net Worth Template for my readers, an exact (sanitized) replica of the personal Net Worth statement I attached to the love letter. 

IMPORTANT:  To use the template, you’ll need to save a copy to your drive to make any changes. This keeps the original template intact and prevents you from accidentally sharing your information on a public spreadsheet.

Below is a screenshot from the free template: 

By including the Net Worth statement in our love letter, my wife and attorney will have visibility of every account we own and their year-end balances.  This will provide a useful checklist when meeting with the attorney.  It will also be helpful when she migrates the management of our investments to the recommended financial advisor.

Attachment 2 – Investment Accounts

For today’s article, I created a free template you can use to list all of your investment accounts and access information.  This is a sanitized copy of the actual spreadsheet I use in the love letter.

IMPORTANT:  To use the template, you’ll need to save a copy to your drive to make any changes. This keeps the original template intact and prevents you from accidentally sharing your information on a public spreadsheet.

A screenshot of the sanitized template is below.

You’ll notice I also include an updated balance for each account, and a comments section to clarify the type of account and any relevant details I’d like my wife to know about each account.  To ensure I’ve captured every financial institution, I compare the list to our Net Worth statement, making sure each firm is represented.

Attachment 3 – Other Important Contacts

In the same free template I shared in the “Attachment 2” section, there’s a second tab for other important contacts.  This includes our homeowner’s insurance, life insurance, health insurance, attorney, CPA, and other related contacts.  Here’s a screenshot from the free (sanitized) template:

I find it helpful to update this annually to ensure I’m not missing any important contacts that should be included.  It’s a living document and should be updated whenever major changes occur (e.g. if you change your insurance provider).

Attachment 4 – Investor Policy Statement

I’m currently writing our Investor Policy Statement and will add it to the Love Letter this year. I am considering writing a dedicated blog post on the Investor Policy Statement in the future. Let me know if you’d be interested. (In the meantime, you can review this article from Investopedia for more background.)

I’m adding the IPS to the letter to provide my wife (and her eventual advisor) with broader context and insights on our investments and strategy. As part of my annual review process, it will also be a helpful reminder of the strategy I’m using to manage our portfolio, ensuring that any actions I take are aligned with our broader strategy. The following is the introduction, which contains the Table of Contents:

The final section of the IPS includes suggestions to the advisor for changes that may be appropriate in the event of my passing.  As an example, we’re currently doing aggressive Roth conversions.  Since the tax rate will be much higher for my wife as a single filer vs. our current “Married Filing Jointly” rates, I’m recommending they consider discontinuing the Roth conversions after my death.

Once completed, I’ll send a copy of the IPS to the recommended financial planning firm for their files. It will be a helpful reminder that I have them “on call” should the need arise and provide them with some insight into how I’m managing things as a DIY investor.

Conclusion

Talking about death is a difficult topic, but that doesn’t mean we should avoid it. The reality is quite the opposite. 

By writing an annual Love Letter to my wife, we’re prepared.

I’ve invested countless hours managing our investments for the past 40 years.  I’d hate to see a well-founded strategy coming undone due to errors that could be avoided by good communication.  

In addition, my wife and I both have peace of mind knowing there’s a document that will help guide her through the process of transitioning to widowhood, should that scenario develop.

Hopefully, by sharing what I’m doing, it will motivate you to do something similar.

None of us want to die.

All of us will.

Are you ready?

Your Turn:  Have you written a Love Letter to your spouse?  If so, are there other elements in your letter that I should consider including in mine?  If you haven’t written one, are you planning to write one in the future?